Life coaching for Carers

Sometimes Fear Motivates

2008-12-15T09:39:00.000-08:00

Fear is a natural response most people experience when embarking into something new - going into the unknown. It is the number one cause of procrastination. Fear can be paralyzing, or can be the driving force motivating you to keep going.

It has been the latter for me for the last few months. Yes, I gave up my job where I was doing very well, building a reputation for excellence and developing myself personally. But I decided to follow my bliss even though I didn’t know what challenges would face me.

I kept putting it off because I was afraid of failing. I was waiting until ‘all my ducks were in a row’, but sometimes this never comes....

An ancient Chinese saying is “the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best is today”.

So, I started my own trampoline club in September at a rented venue where I had previously coached – Samuel Montagu Youth Club - who have been very supportive of my endeavours. I am not saying that it has been easy – it hasn’t and we are still having to face some challenges (mostly financial), but I have to admit that I have never felt so alive, so excited about getting up and going to work, so motivated. Financially, unfortunately, some would say, not a very wise move. But, in terms of the relationship and quality time that I am spending with my daughter, it is all worthwhile. I am self-employed, working with my youngest daughter, also a trampoline coach, and we are having a great time!

I have spent the last couple of months working really hard – networking, improving my skills, building the website, marketing as well as coaching. I’ve met some really great people and I am making a difference! The change has really been worthwhile.

Fear can propel you into action – ask yourself, what can I learn if I try and don't get the result I want? How will this make me stronger and wiser and better equipped to try again?

Here are some tips that might help you pursue a project/career/task that you may be fearful of starting or continuing:

· Make a List. Simply, write things down that need to be done. There can be a great sense of satisfaction of actually ticking things off √

· Stay focussed. Try to focus on one thing intensely, instead of multi- tasking. Stay in the now. Practice focusing your attention on the present moment and complete the task in hand

· Give yourself a meaningful purpose. Find something that you are passionate about and pursue it. It’s easier to stay focused if you feel the work you’re doing is meaningful and your motivation will naturally increase.

· Visualise what you want to achieve. If you don’t really know exactly how you want your day to go, how can you expect it to go the way you want it to? In order to combat random events and unknowns keeping you from doing what’s important, take time to visualize how you want your day to go. Pay attention when you visualize certain things to how they make you feel. Use positive visualization to control how you will react when certain events come up that detract you from keeping focused.

Stop procrastinating: check out "Feel the Fear and do it Anyway" by Susan Jeffers

Things are going well for the trampoline club – we are applying for national accreditation (Gym Mark) and are embarking on a couple of new and exciting projects in the New ‘year. For more details check out our website: www.greenwichbouncers.co.uk and read my blog there too.

I love this time of year because of the opportunity to start afresh, do something different – life is full of possibilities.... I wish all my readers a Merry Christmas and a happy and prosperous New Year!

Follow your Bliss!

2008-08-05T12:53:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I posted my last blog - apologies... I am writing today because I have been thinking for quite a long time that I would like to work for myself again (I used to be self-employed before Lydia died, as an Image Consultant and personal development trainer). Although I enjoyed my job working at a local College managing their e-learning centre, and was very good at my job,I decided to take a chance and follow my bliss!

My passion, as you know, is for coaching trampolining and have done this mainly as a hobby for around 10 years. I was doing a lot of coaching in schools, youth clubs and leisure centres.

Unfortunately, four years ago I broke my ankle in a trampolining accident and thought that my hopes of remaining a full-time coach was over. Therefore, I started applying for other jobs as I wasn’t even sure that I would be able to trampoline again. I started working for a local College in 2004 - attending interview on crutches! However, I remained coaching for a couple of hours a week and took annual leave to coach in a few school holiday programmes over the years. I found that my ankle, although not completely as strong as it used to be, did not deter me from trampolining and I was able to coach and to a limited extend, perform successfully! (I am still too scared to somersault anymore)

I was approached recently and offered an opportunity to return to trampoline coaching in schools on a part-time basis. This would mean that I would have to give up my full-time job. I needed to give this a lot of thought and careful planning. It would also give me the opportunity to return to also working part-time offering my services as a personal development trainer and Image Consultant, which fits in nicely with my recent training as a Life Coach.

I knew that this was what I really wanted to do! Therefore, I decided to pursue my dream of running my own trampoline coaching business - following my bliss! I have set up a website (which still needs some work) http://www.greenwichbouncers.co.uk/. Check it out

I have just started working in a school over the summer holidays and am enjoying every moment of it!

Sometimes you have to take risks and do what you really want to do in life!

Caring for ourselves

2008-05-31T10:06:00.000-07:00

When caring with someone with severe learning difficulties and/or physical disabilities, it is difficult for the carer. Sometimes we get so caught up in the needs of the person we are caring for that we forget about ourselves. This is often true about parents, especially single parents, in general.

I remember that there were times when Lydia kept me up by crying all night, then I had to get up and look after her and my other children the next day. I remember the feelings of sheer exhaustion I had. When you get to that point it is difficult to think about caring for yourself – all you want to do is sleep! It is during those times that it is best to think about the other resources we have to hand. During those times, I would rely heavily on my friends and family, extended family as well as others who also care about your charge.

Lydia was a frequent visitor to hospitals and, prior to its’ closure, the Brook Hospital in South East London (Woolwich) was a place that I had many an anxious moment. The staff were exceptionally loving and caring towards Lydia and I have to say that I couldn’t have gone on without their support. On several occasions, after prolonged stays in hospital where I was at her bedside for days on end; after the crisis was over and it was time for her to come back home, the staff were kind enough to let her stay for an extra day, so that I could go home and get a good nights sleep.

Taking time to look after yourself is one of the best things a carer can do for their loved one! Rather than feeling that it is selfish to do so, it can be of great benefit for the person you care for, yourself and the rest of your family. By being happy, healthy and in a positive frame of mind helps you cope with the additional pressure of caring for someone else.

Some little things to bear in mind and that may help a carer look after themselves:

*Try to make some time every day for yourself – even if it is only half an hour. Read a book, listen to a favourite CD, surf the Net, watch TV, do some knitting – anything that only involves you in a quiet space.

*Keep in contact with your friends – make time for a catch-up chat, on the phone or in person. My friends were (and still are) some of my best resources when I needed some time for myself.

*Make use of the social services resources that are on offer – respite care, benefits, etc. Make sure that you are well informed of what you are entitled to.

*Try to ensure that there is at least one day a week that doesn’t involve cooking or cleaning! Have a takeaway, or go out for a meal (even if its somewhere cheap and cheerful!)

*Have a special indulgence that makes you feel attractive, desirable and loved. For me, it was getting my nails done! It could be a weekly/monthly visit to the hairdresser, or a foot massage, a pedicure, spa day or anything else that involves a bit of pampering! Use your imagination!

*Start a Blog! Or connect with others who have similar interests to you via social networking sites. I use Facebook (and a few others)

Some the above are quite easy to implement immediately – maybe you’re already doing some things. Other things may take some time. The important thing to remember is to go at your own pace. Try something different!

If you wish to, you can contact me through Facebook

Trisomy 10

2008-04-12T06:11:00.000-07:00

Thank you for giving me such positive responses from my first post – emails, telephone calls and conversations with friends and family – some I haven’t heard from in years! Lydia has made such a positive impact on so many people!

Lydia was diagnosed at birth with a rare chromosomal abnormality called Trisomy 10. It is very rare and, as far as I know, most children with this condition do not live past early childhood - Lydia died when she was 18 years old. This condition meant that Lydia had a number of serious problems including partial sight, partial hearing, developmental delay and mental retardation. She was never able to walk or talk, she spent her whole life in nappies and some of her symptoms were similar to those of children with severe autism.

Even though she never spoke a word in her life, or was unable to maintain eye contact with anyone she had many friends and people who cared about her. Lydia was unable to communicate in the conventional sense, but we knew that she ‘recognised’ some people by the reactions she made when they were around. For the most part, she ignored most people, living in a world of her own.

Since posting my first blog, a friend discussed with me the times when she used to babysit Lydia and how she developed a close relationship her over the years. Whenever Mel used to see Lydia she would hold her hand and lift it to her hair (she had lovely long hair) and guide Lydia’s hand so that she could feel the silkiness of it. Over the years, Lydia grew to recognise her and whenever she was around her Lydia would lift her hand and stroke Mel’s hair. She had similar ways of recognizing people – she would lift her fingers to her granddad’s mouth so he could kiss her fingers and she would stroke her sister’s face; she also recognised certain voices, and would turn towards them when they spoke.

For more information about Trisomy 10:
NORD – National Organisation for Rare Disorders (database search article on Trisomy 10):
http://www.rarediseases.org/search/rdbdetail_abstract.html?disname=Chromosome%2010%2C%20Distal%20Trisomy%2010q%20

New blog for carers

2008-03-07T03:19:00.000-08:00

Hi, my name is Anne-Sonia King and I was a carer to my daughter, Lydia, who had special needs. She died over 10 years ago when she was 18 years old, and it would have been her 29th birthday last Wednesday. Every time her birthday, or the anniversary of her death comes around I remember her and think of the joy she brought into my life and to the lives of my other two daughters.

As a celebration of her life and as a tribute to her, I am starting a blog for carers of children with special needs and/or parents of children who have lost a beloved child. It doesn't matter how long ago one has lost a child, the pain never leaves you. Death is the most natural yet most unnatural thing about life. Losing a child cannot be described, envisaged or felt by anyone who hasn't gone through the same process.

A couple of years ago I was introduced to life coaching, and it has made such an impact on my life that I am now in the process of setting up my own life coaching business.

I first had some coaching whilst I was working as a manager of an off-campus computer training centre of a local college. It was during a period when the centre I was managing was facing closure. Coaching helped me to cope with this and the subsequent closure, as well as helping me to deal more effectively with the other members of my team. Some of us were relocated and some of us were made redundant, but overall the process was managed much better than I thought it was going to be, due to my coaching sessions. My coach helped me to recognise my skills and talents as a manager and appreciate my people skills. These are 'transferable skills' that I developed by caring for Lydia, including the patience, empathy and dedication it takes to look after a sick child over many years.

I was lucky enough to be offered a post in the main college, and I am now managing the e-learning centre which also houses their Learndirect provision, and offers training and support to adults in need of development of their literacy, numeracy and IT needs.

I feel that I have much to offer, and I feel that my life experiences that I came to value during my subsequent coaching sessions can help parents/carers who can sometimes find it hard to cope, or cannot see 'the wood for the trees'.

So if you feel you need some direction in your life, if there is an overwhelming project or task that a solutions-focused approach may help you with, if you wish to start a new business or just get on with your life, I can help.

My future posts will tell you more about Lydia, her life and how caring for her made me the person I am today. I will share with you my own experiences at home and at work and how I think life coaching may help you too.

Useful Links

During a recent training course (on blogging), I met Karen who has recently set up a website for carers which gives practical advice and help for carers - check it out: www.ukcarersonline.co.uk/