When caring with someone with severe learning difficulties and/or physical disabilities, it is difficult for the carer. Sometimes we get so caught up in the needs of the person we are caring for that we forget about ourselves. This is often true about parents, especially single parents, in general.
I remember that there were times when Lydia kept me up by crying all night, then I had to get up and look after her and my other children the next day. I remember the feelings of sheer exhaustion I had. When you get to that point it is difficult to think about caring for yourself – all you want to do is sleep! It is during those times that it is best to think about the other resources we have to hand. During those times, I would rely heavily on my friends and family, extended family as well as others who also care about your charge.
Lydia was a frequent visitor to hospitals and, prior to its’ closure, the Brook Hospital in South East London (Woolwich) was a place that I had many an anxious moment. The staff were exceptionally loving and caring towards Lydia and I have to say that I couldn’t have gone on without their support. On several occasions, after prolonged stays in hospital where I was at her bedside for days on end; after the crisis was over and it was time for her to come back home, the staff were kind enough to let her stay for an extra day, so that I could go home and get a good nights sleep.
Taking time to look after yourself is one of the best things a carer can do for their loved one! Rather than feeling that it is selfish to do so, it can be of great benefit for the person you care for, yourself and the rest of your family. By being happy, healthy and in a positive frame of mind helps you cope with the additional pressure of caring for someone else.
Some little things to bear in mind and that may help a carer look after themselves:
*Try to make some time every day for yourself – even if it is only half an hour. Read a book, listen to a favourite CD, surf the Net, watch TV, do some knitting – anything that only involves you in a quiet space.
*Keep in contact with your friends – make time for a catch-up chat, on the phone or in person. My friends were (and still are) some of my best resources when I needed some time for myself.
*Make use of the social services resources that are on offer – respite care, benefits, etc. Make sure that you are well informed of what you are entitled to.
*Try to ensure that there is at least one day a week that doesn’t involve cooking or cleaning! Have a takeaway, or go out for a meal (even if its somewhere cheap and cheerful!)
*Have a special indulgence that makes you feel attractive, desirable and loved. For me, it was getting my nails done! It could be a weekly/monthly visit to the hairdresser, or a foot massage, a pedicure, spa day or anything else that involves a bit of pampering! Use your imagination!
*Start a Blog! Or connect with others who have similar interests to you via social networking sites. I use Facebook (and a few others)
Some the above are quite easy to implement immediately – maybe you’re already doing some things. Other things may take some time. The important thing to remember is to go at your own pace. Try something different!
If you wish to, you can contact me through Facebook
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